It seems like I tend to gravitate towards writing here on the 2 days that I have day care for both children (aka "day care days"). I wish that I could always keep the perspective I wrote about a couple of days ago. However, I have been having some "anxieties". I guess yesterday got thrown off a bit since I had a doctor's appointment and DD was a bit fussy in the afternoon (again, the persistent cold we've all had, plus teething, etc); I did read a little later at night but I was just too tired to do the amount that I had hoped. Now, enter today, and I'm hoping to make more progress (yet again) but I guess I just need to vent (don't we all!)
-- Frankly, I'm really worried about this comp exam, moreso than the last one. I guess there are any number of reasons-- this literature is all over the place; I have no idea what kinds of questions they are going to ask me (hopefully that will be illuminated when I meet with the chair of my exam committee next week); once again, my reading list remained too long but I felt like I had to get through at least parts of every book/article; I haven't been able to meet in person with 2 members of my committee since last semester since I live far from campus and meeting times haven't worked out (yet, when I reflect on this, I know other students who actually live OUT OF THE COUNTRY while preparing for comps and still do it-- I don't know, but something about the face-to-face contact helps me, especially since I don't know these profs as well as others and I chose them due to the similaritie between their research interests and my own); even though I feel like I have a good handle on the literature as a whole and have some ideas of how I would like to integrate/challenge what I am reading into a potential dissertation project-- I just feel anxious.
-- Even though I am blessed to have an RA-ship that has been flexible and the main project I've been working on for it is on hold until next month, I feel guilty that I haven't been putting much time into RA-related work as I prepare for comps (mostly due to limited child care). Although the main project is on hold, I am working on 2 conference papers related to the data we've collected, but even my work on those papers has been minimal the past few weeks. Oh, and I have to present one of them next weekend!!??!! At any rate, for that I don't have to submit a paper, so I will just be presenting preliminary analyses, but still-- I have to devote a few hours to that in the next few days or else it will prove difficult by the end of next week.
-- Some days I just want to spend time with my kids (oh yes, and my husband-- we were lucky to get 2 dates in the last 6 months; even those were rushed due to imminent snow storms) without the PhD cloud hanging overhead. Yesterday, when DD was fussy, I was about to just take her outside for a walk since it was unseasonably warm and sunny out, but alas she feel asleep. I want to do a mini egg hunt and easter egg coloring with DS this weekend; I don't want to make it rushed. Well, I WILL do that then, and I will have to be disciplined to get work done later on.
-- In reflecting on my comps reading, I am realizing that I am scared of the "dissertation phase." Although one of my profs keeps telling me not to worry about logistics, I am. How am I going to do the research? What are my main questions going to be? Again, how am I going to do the research/travel, etc, with limited child care, limited funds? I know I can apply for grants, but I've been hard pressed to find diss research grants that are flexible with what I am hoping to do-- not to mention, since I changed what I was going to do in the last few months (another story there), I still have yet to formulate a solid proposal that even has the potential to be submitted as a grant application. The dissertation phase is a full time job in itself. I know other students who work full time whilst dissertating, however, most of the time (from what I've seen), their job is their base research site. My husband and I had a discussion a couple weeks ago when he e-mailed me info about a few non-tenure track, temporary teaching jobs (yes, full time). I told him there was no way I could do that and make any progress on my dissertation proposal-- let alone my dissertation. Yes, I will be teaching part time in the Fall, but full time, no. Again, the questions of funds, direction, methodology, time-- keep swirling in my mind. And, just the plain overall anxiety of being an independent researcher. Yikes.
-- I want to get published within the next year. I have those 2 conference paper which might have potential, yes, plus another one that was accepted at a national conference. The latter paper is a bit "older", but may have potential. Again, the question of time management comes in, and the anxieties which go along with that.
I remember telling my husband even before we had children that I didn't know how I could handle doing the work for grad school with children. I've always been a perfectionist with school work, but I had to learn fast that it is difficult to do so when children arrive!! I've still managed to get things done in reasonable amounts of time, but we all know that in graduate school especially, there is always something hanging overhead.
-- Frankly, I'm really worried about this comp exam, moreso than the last one. I guess there are any number of reasons-- this literature is all over the place; I have no idea what kinds of questions they are going to ask me (hopefully that will be illuminated when I meet with the chair of my exam committee next week); once again, my reading list remained too long but I felt like I had to get through at least parts of every book/article; I haven't been able to meet in person with 2 members of my committee since last semester since I live far from campus and meeting times haven't worked out (yet, when I reflect on this, I know other students who actually live OUT OF THE COUNTRY while preparing for comps and still do it-- I don't know, but something about the face-to-face contact helps me, especially since I don't know these profs as well as others and I chose them due to the similaritie between their research interests and my own); even though I feel like I have a good handle on the literature as a whole and have some ideas of how I would like to integrate/challenge what I am reading into a potential dissertation project-- I just feel anxious.
-- Even though I am blessed to have an RA-ship that has been flexible and the main project I've been working on for it is on hold until next month, I feel guilty that I haven't been putting much time into RA-related work as I prepare for comps (mostly due to limited child care). Although the main project is on hold, I am working on 2 conference papers related to the data we've collected, but even my work on those papers has been minimal the past few weeks. Oh, and I have to present one of them next weekend!!??!! At any rate, for that I don't have to submit a paper, so I will just be presenting preliminary analyses, but still-- I have to devote a few hours to that in the next few days or else it will prove difficult by the end of next week.
-- Some days I just want to spend time with my kids (oh yes, and my husband-- we were lucky to get 2 dates in the last 6 months; even those were rushed due to imminent snow storms) without the PhD cloud hanging overhead. Yesterday, when DD was fussy, I was about to just take her outside for a walk since it was unseasonably warm and sunny out, but alas she feel asleep. I want to do a mini egg hunt and easter egg coloring with DS this weekend; I don't want to make it rushed. Well, I WILL do that then, and I will have to be disciplined to get work done later on.
-- In reflecting on my comps reading, I am realizing that I am scared of the "dissertation phase." Although one of my profs keeps telling me not to worry about logistics, I am. How am I going to do the research? What are my main questions going to be? Again, how am I going to do the research/travel, etc, with limited child care, limited funds? I know I can apply for grants, but I've been hard pressed to find diss research grants that are flexible with what I am hoping to do-- not to mention, since I changed what I was going to do in the last few months (another story there), I still have yet to formulate a solid proposal that even has the potential to be submitted as a grant application. The dissertation phase is a full time job in itself. I know other students who work full time whilst dissertating, however, most of the time (from what I've seen), their job is their base research site. My husband and I had a discussion a couple weeks ago when he e-mailed me info about a few non-tenure track, temporary teaching jobs (yes, full time). I told him there was no way I could do that and make any progress on my dissertation proposal-- let alone my dissertation. Yes, I will be teaching part time in the Fall, but full time, no. Again, the questions of funds, direction, methodology, time-- keep swirling in my mind. And, just the plain overall anxiety of being an independent researcher. Yikes.
-- I want to get published within the next year. I have those 2 conference paper which might have potential, yes, plus another one that was accepted at a national conference. The latter paper is a bit "older", but may have potential. Again, the question of time management comes in, and the anxieties which go along with that.
I remember telling my husband even before we had children that I didn't know how I could handle doing the work for grad school with children. I've always been a perfectionist with school work, but I had to learn fast that it is difficult to do so when children arrive!! I've still managed to get things done in reasonable amounts of time, but we all know that in graduate school especially, there is always something hanging overhead.
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