The anticlimactic finishing of the draft

Yes, I just finished the draft of my final dissertation chapter.  I don't know, but it's weird.   I don't feel all that excited.  I think part of it has to do with the "unknown" that is still out there.  What will my advisor think of all of this?  Will I have to do a million revisions?  And of course, what of the other committee members who I haven't spoken with in over a year?  Do my findings really make that big of a contribution? Part of me feels like they're just going to say, "who cares?" Plus, I'm just feeling downright tired today.  And, my mind has started swirling (already) with all the stuff I have to do to get ready for the fall semester.  After all, in a little over a month, everything is going to start up full swing, and it's not like I've gotten a break from all stuff work related anyways.

I really should feel some sort of relief, and I should at least be a little proud of myself.  But, it's just not there.  I'm also afraid to post on Facebook about it.  I guess I'm just afraid that I'm going to jinx myself.  Argh!

Post 4th of July Blues

There's something about the 4th of July.  It's probably my favorite holiday.  Number one-- it's in the summer, which is my favorite time of year.  Number two-- I just love all the festivities.  On the other hand, it has often felt like a fulcrum for the summer.  Sometimes it feels like after the 4th passes, the rest of the summer zooms by.  Part of this is the fact that course prep and other work responsibilities commence towards the beginning of August.  This year, it's also a bit scary for me, since I wanted to have a polished draft of my dissertation done by the end of July.

I really think I'm almost there, it's just that dang conclusion chapter that I'm afraid to finish.  Part of me feels like my findings aren't that groundbreaking.  The other part of me is just finding it difficult to put part of that chapter into words.  The other issue is, I'm  not talking with my advisor until the third week of this month.  This was not according to my preferences, obviously, so I've been a bit upset about that (well maybe, "a bit" is an understatement.  Long story).  But, I have only a few days to finish a draft of that concluding chapter.  Part of me has been blatantly procrastinating, and the other part of me has just been burnt out.  

I posted on social media about the fact that I had an unproductive day yesterday.  A friend wisely replied, that possibly, I just need a break.  She reminded me that I actually am a productive person, but perhaps, I am just tired.  This is so true.  The other redeeming part of all this is that I have been trying to do some other small household projects, although my motivation for that is also failing lately.

The other thing is, I want to make memories with my family this summer, and I am determined that this will happen.  I admit that I've spent hours in the past couple weeks planning a couple of weekend getaways, as well as trying to finalize plans for conference travel.  I don't consider this to be a waste of time.  It's actually been a relief for me.  I also keep telling myself that it's ok that the kids are in camp, even if I'm not being super productive in terms of writing.  I was recently talking to a teacher who has the summer off; their child is also attending a few weeks of camp.  I also know that I made the right decision when I pick them up each day, and they excitedly tell me about all the activities.  They're getting swimming lessons too, which is awesome.  In addition, I know that if they were home with me all day (even if I did take them out), they would constantly fight.  This way, they're getting interaction with other kids, and they are learning new and interesting things.

For now, I have to figure out a way to get myself back in gear.  Maybe if I can even write a paragraph today, it would be good.  Let's see.