I had started to write a similar post related to this topic earlier this week, but I lost some steam in the end. In all honesty, I have had very little motivation this week and have barely made any progress on my academic work. Undoubtedly, part of the reason is that my daughter developed an ear infection and my son flipped out that he didn't want to go to daycare on Thursday (one of the days that both of them go); he said that his throat was hurting again but according to the doctor he was fine. Thus, both of them were home yesterday, and since DD woke up 1.5 hours earlier than usual this morning, I haven't had much mental capacity to do much work during her nap. Anyways....I went ahead and purchased an electronic version of The Now Habit by Neil Fiore, which was recommended by a very inspirational, fellow grad student mom that I "met" on another site (if you're reading this, you know who you are!! :)). I know that some of my deficiencies in motivation are due to that dirty "P" word-- procrastination-- and I am looking forward to applying some of Dr. Fiore's insights. I also already know that some of the procrastination is at least partially fed by a lingering sense of melancholy. Part of that, most definitely, can be attributed to the feelings of isolation I have been having. I guess it's not just the fact that I live a 2 hour drive from campus and I barely have to go in anymore. Yes, even commiserating with fellow grad students and other grad student moms in person on a regular basis was therapeutic. However, the plain fact that making friends at this age (oh my, does that sound terrible!) can be quite difficult, especially in this part of the country, is a huge part of the problem.
I mentioned in another post that I enjoy taking the kids to the playground, not just because it is good for them to get fresh air and be around other kids, but also because it gives me a chance to (at least try to) get some adult interaction. I'm reminded of one time when a mom gave me her phone number and took mine down...her kids were the same ages as mine. So many times, I should have gone ahead and called her, but I admit I was feeling a bit shy (how silly). Come to find out, her daughter was also attending the same preschool as my son, except she was going on different days. The same mom sent out an e-mail once to all the parents; I sent her a personal e-mail in return basically recollecting how we met and stating that it would be great to get together sometime. However, she never responded. Oh well I thought. Maybe she is too busy as well; maybe she was feeling silly about it, who knows. Since then, I've chatted with several other moms at the same playground. Just a couple months ago, I met another mom who had kids the same exact ages as mine. She was very down to earth, and I felt that we really clicked. I wanted to offer her my phone number, but I hesitated. When she left, she said that it was nice talking to me, and she would probably see me again at the playground. I've definitely heard that before. But...I am also at fault if I don't reach out, right??? I would love to get involved in some organizes play groups, or some other kind of parents' group, but they often meet at odd times that I cannot attend. And part of it, of course, is just the culture in this part of the country. We are not controlled by the culture, but it can be hard to break. People around here tend to be more reserved, "private", etc. One or the other person doesn't feel comfortable to reach out, or they are too busy, or...whatever the case may be. It is such a pet peeve of mine. And then...I hate having to explain to people what I do. "I teach part time, but I'm working towards my Ph.D.; one child goes to daycare part time", blah blah blah. Oftentimes, I feel like a full time stay-at-home mom (although I hate the "mommy wars" and the distinctions between "stay-at-home" moms and "working moms"), but I am also a work-at-home and working-out-of-the-home mom at times who is trying to juggle all of these different responsibilities and expectations. As a result, I often wonder if I can relate to moms who "stay at home" and/or those who work full time outside the home. I guess that really doesn't matter, but the point is, I miss having friends!!! Yes, I keep in touch with friends who live out of state and hours away via Facebook; we recently had friends come over for a cookout, but we don't get to see them too often because they each live at least a 1-2 hours drive away. However, I must admit that I get a little jealous of people who can meet up with friends in person on a regular basis, and/or who have other friends and co-workers they can talk with in person on a regular basis. The key phrase here is "in person". Although my job before going back to school 5 years ago was mega stressful, I was at least encouraged by chats with my co-workers who were also under a great deal of stress. When you're working all the time at home, feelings of isolation and lack of motivation can often be compounded.
Again, this wasn't a very positive post, but I'm sure that many parents and grad students can relate-- if not at this point in their lives, they might have experienced this at some point, even for a short period of time. I guess that in the midst of the dreary deluge going on outside and my lack of progress once again this week, I've been reflecting on all of these issues. Of course, in comparison to the disasters many in this country alone have faced in the past couple weeks, these issues are a pin drop in the bucket. However, they are central to the struggles that people of all walks of life face when it comes to feelings of loneliness and isolation.
I mentioned in another post that I enjoy taking the kids to the playground, not just because it is good for them to get fresh air and be around other kids, but also because it gives me a chance to (at least try to) get some adult interaction. I'm reminded of one time when a mom gave me her phone number and took mine down...her kids were the same ages as mine. So many times, I should have gone ahead and called her, but I admit I was feeling a bit shy (how silly). Come to find out, her daughter was also attending the same preschool as my son, except she was going on different days. The same mom sent out an e-mail once to all the parents; I sent her a personal e-mail in return basically recollecting how we met and stating that it would be great to get together sometime. However, she never responded. Oh well I thought. Maybe she is too busy as well; maybe she was feeling silly about it, who knows. Since then, I've chatted with several other moms at the same playground. Just a couple months ago, I met another mom who had kids the same exact ages as mine. She was very down to earth, and I felt that we really clicked. I wanted to offer her my phone number, but I hesitated. When she left, she said that it was nice talking to me, and she would probably see me again at the playground. I've definitely heard that before. But...I am also at fault if I don't reach out, right??? I would love to get involved in some organizes play groups, or some other kind of parents' group, but they often meet at odd times that I cannot attend. And part of it, of course, is just the culture in this part of the country. We are not controlled by the culture, but it can be hard to break. People around here tend to be more reserved, "private", etc. One or the other person doesn't feel comfortable to reach out, or they are too busy, or...whatever the case may be. It is such a pet peeve of mine. And then...I hate having to explain to people what I do. "I teach part time, but I'm working towards my Ph.D.; one child goes to daycare part time", blah blah blah. Oftentimes, I feel like a full time stay-at-home mom (although I hate the "mommy wars" and the distinctions between "stay-at-home" moms and "working moms"), but I am also a work-at-home and working-out-of-the-home mom at times who is trying to juggle all of these different responsibilities and expectations. As a result, I often wonder if I can relate to moms who "stay at home" and/or those who work full time outside the home. I guess that really doesn't matter, but the point is, I miss having friends!!! Yes, I keep in touch with friends who live out of state and hours away via Facebook; we recently had friends come over for a cookout, but we don't get to see them too often because they each live at least a 1-2 hours drive away. However, I must admit that I get a little jealous of people who can meet up with friends in person on a regular basis, and/or who have other friends and co-workers they can talk with in person on a regular basis. The key phrase here is "in person". Although my job before going back to school 5 years ago was mega stressful, I was at least encouraged by chats with my co-workers who were also under a great deal of stress. When you're working all the time at home, feelings of isolation and lack of motivation can often be compounded.
Again, this wasn't a very positive post, but I'm sure that many parents and grad students can relate-- if not at this point in their lives, they might have experienced this at some point, even for a short period of time. I guess that in the midst of the dreary deluge going on outside and my lack of progress once again this week, I've been reflecting on all of these issues. Of course, in comparison to the disasters many in this country alone have faced in the past couple weeks, these issues are a pin drop in the bucket. However, they are central to the struggles that people of all walks of life face when it comes to feelings of loneliness and isolation.
