Taking-a-day-off guilt

Ah yes, another post about guilt!  But....why should I even feel guilty??? I e-mailed my completed comprehensive exam to my committee on Sunday night.  Of course, I was at least partially relieved; I will be even more relieved when I receive an e-mail saying that I can proceed to the oral defense on April 18th as scheduled.  I've been insanely working on this thing for the past week (not to mention the months of preparation beforehand-- reading, note taking, etc).  My son ended up getting a weird stomach virus Friday night.  He was ok for the most part on Saturday- husband took him to the doctor just to make sure.  Then on Sunday evening, he got sick again.  I felt terrible that he was sick.  Also, I myself started to feel sick on Thursday/Friday and just kept praying that I could make it through.  My husband was also a bit agitated on the weekend.  As I sat in the den editing, typing, reading, and over and over frantically, I had to listen to his constant sighs and agitated tone of voice.  He had never spent probably more than 2 hours alone with both kids before this past weekend (and the times he has spent maybe 1-2 hours alone with them have been extreeemely few and far between-- I know that is sad in its own right and partially my fault for not taking time when I needed it...anyways...).  Granted, DS was sick, but for the large majority of the weekend he wasn't and was even excited to go out with my husband and DD on Saturday and Sunday.  And....the times he did get sick, I was there helping DH with him. I kept DS home from preschool yesterday because he still wasn't himself; thankfully by the end of the day he was feeling much better and was excited to go to the home day care this morning.  DD was just excited in general that her brother was home and was as happy as usual this morning.
All that rambling to say....why on EARTH do I feel guilt for taking today off???? It is a beautiful spring day.  I've been cooped up in this house constantly.  (well, yesterday afternoon we all did go outside and enjoy the fresh air, but still).  I hardly ever get to go anywhere by myself.  Why do I feel so guilty that I'm not diving right back in to working on my conference papers for the summer or doing something else academic related?  Why do I feel guilty that I'm not going to stay in the house all day and do housework?  Honestly, what I am planning to do is go to a children's apparel store and check out a sale since DD and DS need a couple of things-- so I'm not even entirely taking a break for myself, but just getting out of the house and being able to go to a store alone is a break in and of itself.  I also need a haircut; I may or may not do that today but the bottom line is, I just need to get out of the vicinity of the house.  I very rarely take breaks like this, so why (I say again) do I feel guilt???? I guess as academic moms we might feel like this at times and like me, can't even figure out why.  Oh well, I'm going to make myself get over it and get out of this house!!!!

And so it shall begin....

And I wish it was an April fool's joke that this comp was starting today!!! Will most likely get the questions within the next 90 minutes.  Trying to have breakfast and gear myself up (or better yet, wake myself up more) after coaxing teething DD to drink as much milk as possible and after DH had to do the same to get DS to have even a piece of toast this morning (I think he was tired since we've been having issues with him going to sleep at night...not to mention be also has a cold) before they had to leave for day care/preschool.  DD was sick last week and I'm thankful that she is at least feeling better, but I've been concerned about DS that this cold doesn't progress into something else.  Yikes!  Just said a prayer this morning for everything; grateful that I did take 3 days off over this Easter weekend to give my brain a rest and to reflect on the meaning of Easter, attend church, go outside with the kids, etc.  I guess right now I feel all over the place, but trying to get my mind back in gear before the elusive questions arrive.  Hating the anticipation and the anxiety that goes with it, though.