Well, our Christmas/winter break officially ends today. Kids are back to preschool and day care, husband is back to work. I should be starting my work right about....NOW, but I thought that I would digress before I even started to reflect on the break and try to get myself back in the frame of mind to do work.
In my last post, I vented about all the fun involved in grading final papers (uh, yes, that statement contains some sarcasm). However, in the end (as many of us who have graded papers have experienced), I felt a huge sense of relief, and I realized that overall, the papers were pretty good. I actually learned some things myself from reading various papers. Many of the students did exceptional work. I remember at the beginning when I was glancing over all of the papers, I dreaded what I was going to see when I really delved into them. However, in many cases, I was pleasantly surprised. As I write this, I think about how we might feel this way with so many other tasks in our lives, whether they be academic, household related or something else. At the beginning, we see the task(s) before us as too daunting; we dread even beginning them for one reason or another. Maybe we don't "feel" like doing it; maybe we know it is going to take a lot of time; maybe it is going to prevent us from doing other things that we enjoy and/or would just rather be doing at that point in time; maybe we don't have clear direction; etc. I've been feeling that way with my dissertation proposal. Even though I do have a better idea now than I did a couple of months ago, there are so many other things on my mind and tasks that I have do to that are preventing me from approaching it in a clear-headed manner.
In an opposite sense, I began the break with a great deal of optimism. I somehow thought that I would be able to complete certain household and academic tasks by the end of the break. Well, I did get a few key household tasks done that had been bugging me for months on end. However, I pretty much made NO progress on the academic front. Well, I did end up finding out that I was hired to teach a course at another college; I talked at length with the head of the program about the course, but that was it. I didn't get any work done on my proposal. There were various reasons for this-- hardly any day care; husband had vacation days and it was really hard to get even a few hours alone to focus on anything; preparing for and celebrating Christmas; visiting family and friends either out of state or across the state; etc. Of course, I was frustrated that I didn't take any steps towards finishing my proposal draft by the middle of this month. However, as I look back on the break-- putting my frustration aside-- I see many of the positives. I was extremely burnt out from teaching after I submitted all of my grades. I couldn't even think straight that week, despite having day care. I was exhausted. I've also been having some health issues and had to wear a holter monitor (non-invasive cardiology test, akin to a 48-hour EKG) over New Years. Honestly, I needed that break from academic work. I will have to make up for it now, but I needed that time to rest (well, not all of it was restful, but you know what I mean); to spend time with my kids and my family. That time is extremely valuable. I needed some of those moments to just watch TV and "do nothing." We aren't robots, but human beings who need time to recuperate and reflect. I wish that we even had a few extra days of that break. I'm missing them now. However, I know that I need to quickly switch gears now and get back to reality.
In my last post, I vented about all the fun involved in grading final papers (uh, yes, that statement contains some sarcasm). However, in the end (as many of us who have graded papers have experienced), I felt a huge sense of relief, and I realized that overall, the papers were pretty good. I actually learned some things myself from reading various papers. Many of the students did exceptional work. I remember at the beginning when I was glancing over all of the papers, I dreaded what I was going to see when I really delved into them. However, in many cases, I was pleasantly surprised. As I write this, I think about how we might feel this way with so many other tasks in our lives, whether they be academic, household related or something else. At the beginning, we see the task(s) before us as too daunting; we dread even beginning them for one reason or another. Maybe we don't "feel" like doing it; maybe we know it is going to take a lot of time; maybe it is going to prevent us from doing other things that we enjoy and/or would just rather be doing at that point in time; maybe we don't have clear direction; etc. I've been feeling that way with my dissertation proposal. Even though I do have a better idea now than I did a couple of months ago, there are so many other things on my mind and tasks that I have do to that are preventing me from approaching it in a clear-headed manner.
In an opposite sense, I began the break with a great deal of optimism. I somehow thought that I would be able to complete certain household and academic tasks by the end of the break. Well, I did get a few key household tasks done that had been bugging me for months on end. However, I pretty much made NO progress on the academic front. Well, I did end up finding out that I was hired to teach a course at another college; I talked at length with the head of the program about the course, but that was it. I didn't get any work done on my proposal. There were various reasons for this-- hardly any day care; husband had vacation days and it was really hard to get even a few hours alone to focus on anything; preparing for and celebrating Christmas; visiting family and friends either out of state or across the state; etc. Of course, I was frustrated that I didn't take any steps towards finishing my proposal draft by the middle of this month. However, as I look back on the break-- putting my frustration aside-- I see many of the positives. I was extremely burnt out from teaching after I submitted all of my grades. I couldn't even think straight that week, despite having day care. I was exhausted. I've also been having some health issues and had to wear a holter monitor (non-invasive cardiology test, akin to a 48-hour EKG) over New Years. Honestly, I needed that break from academic work. I will have to make up for it now, but I needed that time to rest (well, not all of it was restful, but you know what I mean); to spend time with my kids and my family. That time is extremely valuable. I needed some of those moments to just watch TV and "do nothing." We aren't robots, but human beings who need time to recuperate and reflect. I wish that we even had a few extra days of that break. I'm missing them now. However, I know that I need to quickly switch gears now and get back to reality.
Hello! I have been reading your blog for a while now but I've never commented. I just wanted to let you know that I completely relate to many of the things you describe! Although I have only one child (what a handful with two!), I too am pursuing my doctorate and struggling with juggling childcare, housework, teaching, academic work and an unrelated-to-academia job that has been keeping me economically afloat the past two years. Many times I set goals that I cannot bring myself to accomplish. Many times I feel that weeks go by and I just drown in chores, like keeping the house barely tidy, doing laundry, shopping for and cooking food and of course caring for my daughter. I have limited and quite unstable childcare and many times I feel I can hardly get anything done. But I have come to accept and embrace this time with my daughter and to accept that what I did was what I could do. My girl is still quite young (20 months next week) and I cherish the time I have been able to spend with her these past months. But at the same time I need more time to work! And I need more time to get my head into academic gear. Sometimes I find that I have two hours to work on my dissertation, but almost all that time is wasted just switching "modes". It is not easy. I'm sorry, this is more a rant than a comment! Anyhow. I just wanted to reach out and let you know that you have a reader who completely empathizes with you and enjoys reading your posts on the other part of the world (I live in Argentina).
ReplyDeleteMy only resolution for 2014 has been to face all upcoming challenges with as much optimism and joy as possible. I hope I can fulfill it!
All the best, m..
Dear M.,
DeleteThanks so much for your comment and for reading my blog! I haven't been as consistent as I would like with it. Please don't apologize for venting! We all need to do it and it is therapeutic. That is one of the reasons that I started this blog. I know that there are similar blogs and resources out there for grad student parents, but I took the mentality of "the more, the better" when I started this blog. I'm also going to give a shameless plug for a group on babycenter.com entitled "PhD Mamas"...if you haven't checked out babycenter or that group, please do! The number of moms who post fluctuates throughout the year, but it has been a great source of support and encouragement for me. I can also relate to much of what you said in your comment. I had part time child care in the summer for both kids; my daughter went part time up until last semester. It is definitely a challenge and I know it is hard to do work at odd times, like later at night after the kids go to bed. I also get sidetracked by chores, even when the kids are in day care/preschool. I completely concur with your resolution. I've been struggling myself with keeping the right perspective and setting more attainable goals for myself within shorter time periods so I don't get discouraged. I've been reading a book by Neil Fiore (very piece-by-piece, I'll admit) entitled _The Now Habit_ which talks about this. In a nutshell, the book is about overcoming procrastination. I know with us moms, it is not always an issue of procrastination but all of the other responsibilities that make it hard for us to get into a good working groove. For me, I feel it is a combination of both. I've also wanted to set goals associated with set work times outside of the normal "9-5", such as even 30 minutes each evening or some set times on the weekends. I want to make that more of a priority this semester, but I'd be lying if I said that I've been successful with this is the past! Are you working on your dissertation research, or are you in the writing stage? Please do keep in touch, and thank you again for your comments!!! :)