Thursday, May 30, 2013

Random thoughts this week

I've still been a bit slow to get back into the academic swing of things, but I've had some (somewhat) random thoughts/ramblings/vents that I wanted to articulate a bit more...

Dear day care providers, I like both of you very much as people. However, when I provide 3 bibs for DD for each day that she attends, why can't you use those bibs instead of allowing her to nearly spoil every single outfit? I put the bibs in the same place every time, and I know that you have used them in the past.

I've come to the realization that if I just accept the fact that there are certain days/times that I will not be able to do academic work, my stress and frustration level decreases significantly.  Yes, my daughter usually takes a decent afternoon nap, but there are times that I just cannot do work during that time for one reason or another.  Sometimes it is a household task that just has to get done while neither child is in my way.  Other times, I just need time to think (well, that is part of work, but sometimes we don't always see it that way-- one of those paradoxes of life).  Then, there are times that I am just too dang tired.

I know that if I had a "normal" job, certain close family members wouldn't call me so much during the day; other close family members wouldn't ask me to run errands on the 2 days per week that both children are in day care.  Truly, as I mentioned in the previous paragraph, sometimes it is easier to just run those errands by myself.  However, there are days that even a small errand that only takes half an hour can really throw me off.

Sometimes, I feel like my e-mails to people in my department go into a black hole.  Granted, the semester ended a month ago and I know people are busy with other things.  I wish that it was easier for me to just show up on campus and try to meet with people in person, but I'm not going to drive nearly 2 hours and pay to park to find out no one is there on that day.  At times, I've had luck with trying to get in contact with people the "old fashioned" way...via office phone.  However, this isn't always successful.

Although media analysis is a big part of my research, I often get extremely frustrated with the media in general.  I could write a mega post about this.  For now, I will just say that the media really does not have to emphasize certain things, but I know that they are trying to one up the next media organization.  For instance, the meat cleaver attack in London.  Was it necessary to emphasize the video that the attacker made???!?!?!   I have so much more to say connected to this, but I will leave it at that.  Not to mention, how certain media figures often perpetuate xenophobia, racism, sexism, etc.

Not to be a debbie downer, but I've been feeling quite isolated and just "down" in general lately.  Maybe it's just this transition phase between completing my comps and trying to REALLY get started on my proposal, not to mention other projects that I have to work on in the next couple of months.  Although I might have a little less time to work, I'm looking forward to when my son is done with preschool in a couple weeks and I can take both kids to the playground or other places on those days.  Every time I do that, I get to at least have an informal chit-chat with another mom/grandparent at the playground and I don't feel so isolated.  I actually miss the coursework phase for that...being able to interact more with other people in the department; commiserate with other grad student moms who are juggling similar responsibilities.  Hey, I might actually go ahead and buy that children's museum membership.  I might actually try to find other groups/activities to get me out of the house with the kids and, maybe?!?!? just maybe by myself, too??? What about actually putting a priority on having a date night more than once every six months?? I think that as a grad student parent, these things might actually help us to feel more "human" and get us out of a rut in general.

I've come to the realization that I am not as self-motivated as I would like to be, and I really need to do something to change that.  I haven't come up with a fantastic solution to that one....yet....

In reflecting on all that has happened in Oklahoma and other midwestern states with the tornadoes, I've been reminded that we often forget the fact that millions of other people around the world are still recovering from natural disasters that happened YEARS ago.  I've seen this in my own geographical area.  Also, recovery does not just have to do with the built environment.  There are mental, emotional, biophysical, and spiritual dimensions.  We need to keep this in mind when making decisions about how to enact our own personal philanthropic intensions.

There are many other things I could go on about...the situation in Syria, the persecution of minorities in many countries, oh, those are big ones, but I will stop there for now.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Transition phase

A lot has been going on since I last wrote here.  Alas, I am a Ph.D. candidate!! Thank God, I was able to finish my written comp and successfully defend it two weeks later.  A week after that, all 4 of us left on a trip (quite far away, to a nice exotic place, I might add) since my husband had a conference and we thought it would be a good opportunity to see the place.  Overall, the trip was good.  I did get terribly sick with food poisoning on the second to last day; the days my husband was in the conference were so-so since at least half of the time I couldn't do too much with the kids, but I did manage to venture out a little bit.  Otherwise, it was great to be able to see what we could and enjoy the warm weather/whatever we could get of the beach.

We just got back a few days ago, and honestly, along with the jet lag, I feel like my mind is going in circles.  I had a meeting this morning with the head of the department where I serve as an adjunct instructor.  I feel a little better after that knowing that I will definitely be teaching 2 if not 3 classes (dependent on enrollment) in the fall-- particularly as all this relates to the financial front.  However, the issue of seriously beginning my dissertation proposal, with the goal of finishing it be the early Fall (per my advisor and comp exam committee) is looming overhead.  To be honest, I am still so tired from traveling and a mega mountain of laundry and a disorganized, crappy dirty house needs immediate attention, so I am not going to pressure myself too much about it at least for a week or so.  However, I do have to start thinking about it very soon.  Should I schedule preliminary interviews...what about additional literature to review....oh, and what about those conference papers that are fairly unrelated to my proposal that I actually have to get done by the end of July if not sooner...yeah...I really need to touch base with a few profs first too...oh, and what about the fact that I have no source of income this summer since I don't have summer funding, and the department couldn't fund my proposal for summer funding even though they wanted to because it is related to my potential dissertation (higher up bureaucracy, ugh), and if I knew that ahead of time I would have written the proposal in relation to my conference papers, but I was advised to write it for my preliminary dissertation research.....and the run on train of thought chugs on.  All in all, I really feel like this is a transition phase.  Imminent dissertation research can be exciting, but is scary at the same time.  There are so many other aspects of it that feed in to these emotions and related states of mind/being.  I could go on, but now I think I need to eat lunch and tackle this pile of laundry, even though I feel in a weird state of academic and professional limbo.