Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Oh no...it's the end of July already?!?!?

Yes, a little over a month remains before I have to begin teaching; before my son starts a new preschool; before I **really** need to get serious about my dissertation proposal.  However, the heat is on (no pun intended, since we have had a bit of a scorching summer to say the least) as I have to finish preparing 3 presentations for 2 conferences I am attending in a little over 2 weeks.  Also, I started the summer with high hopes for my dissertation proposal, but I have not made much progress on it at all.  Sure, I could blame the fact that we had to travel for a family wedding; we had family from afar visiting for a week and took constant day trips which equated to many hundreds of miles driven and many minutes of lost sleep (particularly for the kids!); we had graduation parties and cookouts and lost many "day care" days due to holidays, sickness, and traveling to boot.  Not to mention, as I have said in previous posts, lack of motivation, direction, continuous questions arising in my mind that warranted additional literature reviews, lack of funds for additional child care in between all the traveling craziness, etc.  Of course, I am grateful that being a grad student allows me the flexibility to enjoy all of these things-- time with family, precious time with my kids.  However, I'm also continuously (seems like I really like variants of the word "continuous" in this post!) feeling like my dissertation proposal, among other projects, is hanging over my head like an ominous rain cloud.  Not to mention financial concerns associated with child care, paying continuation tuition, and not being sure that I will definitely be teaching a third class in the fall. 

And then there are the concerns that go along with parenting.  Hoping that my son will adjust well to his new preschool; feeling bad that we can't afford to send him to another preschool where some of his friends from his previous school will be attending (although I've heard very mixed reviews about that program); dealing with *continuous* potty training issues.  Wondering if the day care where we are sending both kids two days per week is the best one for them and if we would be able to find something better that 1.  was just as flexible and 2.  cost the same or less.  Hoping that DD will benefit from the physical therapy that she is starting later this week since she is behind in gross motor skills. 

And... just the general concerns associated with how we are going to keep juggling it all once the semester starts.  Can we really work out a good schedule where I will be able to do work outside of "work day" timings? Will my husband and others understand that there is no way I will be able to get my dissertation proposal done by December AND do all the work for teaching 3 classes with part- time child care for both kids?

I guess I am getting ahead of myself a bit, after all, we still do technically have 5 weeks of the summer to enjoy, and there are many more things I want to enjoy with my family before the grind of teaching on top of everything else begins.  However, many of these concerns, like the academic projects hanging over my head, are really, *continuous.*  As I said, I have much to be grateful for; despite the concerns I have for my kids they are very advanced and growing in many other areas; they surprise me every day.  And, we do manage to balance the household chores, although I still feel there is much to be worked out with my work schedule, which I believe is one of the big issues impacting my motivation.  Nevertheless, I think that for now I just need to focus on my immediate "to do" list; although I might not get a huge chunk of it done each day I need to make some progress before these conferences and my syllabi are due in a couple weeks.  Now I must press onward (or more accurately..inch forward).